heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
