Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
