I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
