You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He uses pillows to masturbate.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize