I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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