I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize