Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
