Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
