I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
