Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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