having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
