I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You made out with two different species that night
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
