Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
