We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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