proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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