Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Define "chronic" masturbator.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
