Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
