My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize