My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
