Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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