i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am midnight drunk by noon
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
