problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
