Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
