And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
