his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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