Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
