Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize