Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
