Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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