So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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