On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
