Swine flu. Run for my life!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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