Its about making memories worth repressing
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
