Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
