If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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