just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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