I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
