I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
