I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We left the knife in your bed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
