I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
