I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
