I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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