he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize