he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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