i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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