Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
