Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
