It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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