the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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