im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
