How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
