I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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