I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
