i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
