It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
