found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize