Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
