They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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