first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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