But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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