Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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