The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
