i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
