i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
