some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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