So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
