Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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